Who's running your life (and how to claim it back!)

Are you the type of person that finds yourself doing things that you didn't want to do, just because you didn't want to upset someone else? We could end up 'bending over backwards' for our clients, children, partners, friends, because, let's be frank, you've allowed their agenda to take over your own!

Afterwards, of course, you feel irritated with them and annoyed with yourself when you've wasted all that valuable time and effort in something that has no value to you. You become defensive,because you know that the people around you could take advantage of your good-nature, by making you feel bad if you haven't done their bidding.
Sounds familiar? As I am a 'people-person' myself, this has been the bane of my life so I've seen this as a major problem to be solved. And solved it must be because resentment is a toxic emotion, and if prolonged, can cause liver dysfunction.  Not good if you want to avoid illness in the long-term.

I spent the first part of my childhood in Germany and the second part in Britain. This gave me a unique insight into both British and German culture though 'foreign eyes'.

When seen through German eyes, British people had a tendency to not always say what they really thought, because it had to sound acceptable to the person hearing it. Communication was very much about reading between the lines and not being upfront. This makes it difficult to respond to the issues at hand.

German people seen through British eyes were at times 'brutally honest' at the expense of the recipient's feelings. This included correcting others if they were not following the rules. But as we all know, the Germans know how to get things done!

Excuse the stereotyping, but it just illustrates a point!

I could see the pros and cons of both forms of communication: the unvarnished truth on the one hand and being sensitive to others on the other. So how can we get the 'best of both worlds'? Answer: The Assertiveness Technique.

The idea of assertiveness seems to have negative connotations:  that you would be running rough-shod over people's feelings and that ultimately you will be obeyed but not liked.

What it really does is make you in tune with both your owns needs and the others needs EQUALLY. Both parties are respected leading to greater harmony and creative synergy. In other words you can bring out the best in each other without the need for manipulation. Most importantly the person who uses this technique will become more in tune with their own desires and needs, making them feel more empowered and respected. - Very good if you want to become healthier.

There are many books to show you what to do, but in essence here is what you have to say when demands are put on you:

"I can see that you are having difficulty with XYZ and want some help. I, however, have to do ABC, so how about we try and work out a solution together that will help us both!"

Being 'in tune with' rather than 'at odds with' with yourself and others, makes a situation however ghastly it can seem, better. And that's how both networking groups and homeopathy work.